A Thousand Words Can't Bring You Back
by BelleD'Opium
Summary: For her it was a tragedy, yet he could not help but sigh in relief.


**I don't really write/like Remus Lupin and Tonks but this came into my head and I felt the need to write it. It's rated T for the theme. Lemme know what you think :D**

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**A Thousand Words Can't Bring You Back**

She had sensed something had been wrong. For a long time the shrill screech of worry swam in the back of her brain yet she had chosen to ignore it, even when the signs were obvious. It had been a bright summer's day when Nymphadora Tonks had awoken to her husband's confused expression.

"Remus" she laughed, stretching and rubbing her right eye absentmindedly "why are you looking at me like that?"

"Your hair...is something wrong dear?"

"My hair?"

Tonks rose from her sheets and moved quickly to the vanity sat by the opposite wall, the mirror awaiting her anxious arrival.

"What do you mean my h-oh"

She stopped, surprised by the reflection before her and stared until her eyes blurred to make sure she was seeing correctly. Gone was the spiked vivid bubblegum pink hair she wore so fondly and instead her head sported a mousey brown, almost grey lifeless bob. It was surreal. Bringing her hand to her cheek to ensure her image did the same, Tonks could not help but frown at the involuntary change in her appearance.

"How strange"

Two weeks had passed since the incident and Tonks had found that this new style was stubborn to shift, her efforts to change it only resulting it a slightly browner colour resembling that of a woman just shy of going grey, instead of actually grey. Remus had said little on the matter, putting it down to the simple problem of her pregnancy wreaking havoc on her hormones. She had dutifully agreed yet could not prevent the small voice of worry creeping through her tense mind. Something was wrong. And she had been right. A week later Tonks found herself sobbing uncontrollably in the arms of her husband, the dull ache of loss still lingering in her abdomen. Remus had said nothing as he gently cradled his fragile wife, willing her pain to disappear. He hated to see her so broken. Yet as he rocked her he felt no pain or sorrow or disappointment himself. He felt nothing but a small sense of relief if not victory. She had been harbouring a monster and now it was dead. It was for the best.

"W-what did you say?"

The shattered voice of his wife roused him from his thoughts and he looked down to see the wet blue orbs of despair staring up at him. He had not spoken, so her question made no sense to him.

"I didn't say anything"

"You did...y-you said 'It's for the best'"

Remus remained silent for a few seconds, unaware he had voiced his thoughts out loud. The look of confusion and hurt painted on Tonks' face confirmed the fact that he could not deny this. But why would he? She was his wife and he wasn't prepared to lie to her or hide his true feelings. His reply was short but soft, no hint of cruelty in his voice only truth.

"That's because it is"

Not believing what she was hearing Tonks freed herself from Remus' hold and simply stared at the man she thought she knew in disbelief. Everything she knew so far had been thrown into chaos by the day's events yet she thought at least one thing would remain permanent – her husband's support. She was wrong.

"What...what do you mean?"

"Dora" he started, his expression a mix of sympathy and concern "it would have turned out like me"

"So?"

Her voice was stronger now, tears drying in her eyes. The pain in her abdomen was fading and replacing it was the pounding of anger slowing rising up her body.

"It would have been a monster - loathing its own existence, rejected by society and a danger to everyone" he replied quietly.

"I..I wouldn't have rejected it! I would have loved him with every bone in my body Remus, and I thought you would have too!"

Rubbing his already exhausted face Remus Lupin looked pleadingly to his wife before him, taking in every vibe of hatred she was throwing at him. Unlike the loss of his unborn child, it hurt him that he was hurting her.

"It doesn't matter if it had our love or not, it would still be a monster. How would you feel the day it came home covered in blood, or the evening where it just could not keep control and attacks its own Mother?"

Gasping in disbelief Tonks took involuntary steps backward as if he had bitten her. He may as well have from what he was saying.

"He would do that! We'd know from the very beginning and be able to control him!"

"He? Don't give it a gender Dora"

"Why the hell not? He was my son Remus, my little child and he has been taken from me – why don't you care?"

Sighing, Lupin forced a tired smile his hands extending out to take hers. She was so soft, like silk and even anger could not distort her beauty too much. He knew she was far too good for her.

"I care about you Dora"

Shaking her head mutely at his words she ripped her hands from his, glaring at him in disdain. The man before her was not her husband, the man before her was indeed the monster he spoke so much of. It disgusted her.

"I don't even know who you are Remus"

Turning away from her he placed his arm on a nearby wall, his forehead pressed against it in frustration.

"No you don't. You never have"

And then silence. Too stunned to speak Tonks simply stood still, mouth moving as if to form words but none came. She had been head over heels in love with Remus Lupin practically from the day they first met. She had seen past his aged face and fatigued body, she had seen only a beautiful smile and eyes she would get lost in. Tonks had not made any attempt to hide her attraction and even with rejection she had persevered to get what she wanted. She had believed she had finally gotten her fairytale ending. Apparently not. Finally, she found the will to speak.

"..What?"

As he looked at his wife once more he was sure he could literally see all the hate and anger draining from her body leaving only confusion and hurt. But he had come this far now and there was no turning back, the only way was forward.

"You don't know me Dora, not at all. We rushed into this and I stupidly didn't put an end to it when I had the chance. I regret that now"

Tears pooled in her eyes as the realisation of rejection hit her hard in the heart once more. It was not something you could get used to.

"You..you don't love me?"

"We are different people. I shouldn't be with you, or anyone for that matter"

"But...I love you"

And there it was. Everything that made Nymphadora Tonks who she was had been sapped away leaving only the naked blank canvas of a woman ruled only by despair and the uncontrollable need for the man before her. He could not believe he was the cause of her descent and regardless of his feelings he knew he would be forevermore regretful of the way he had acted that evening. With nothing left to say Remus bowed his head and made his way out the door, it clicking quietly behind him.

"Remus"

The soft whisper of need went unheard as the lonely woman sank to the floor, her hands reaching to her stomach.

_This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you._


End file.
